If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
