I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
