You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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