Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
