who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
