you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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