Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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