I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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