I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
