Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
