..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I woke up under a house in Key West
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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