You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
