D3 body, D1 cock
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
