I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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