she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
