shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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