i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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