I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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