$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
