Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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