doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
