You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
