I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
