you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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