his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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