Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
