Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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