so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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