i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
