He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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