Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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