It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
