The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
