i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I still have a little drunk in my system
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
