i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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