i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
