Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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