I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
