Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
