So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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