So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
