Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
