i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
