just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
