i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
