Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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