The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
