Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
