He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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