I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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