Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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