Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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