if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
