My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
