I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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