this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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