the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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