Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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