listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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