I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
