Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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