I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
